"Remembering Needleman" is a one-liner- and non-sequitur-filled obituary for Professor Sandor Needleman.
"By Destiny Denied" presents the reader with notes for a fictional "eight-hundred-page novel—the big book they're all waiting for."
"My Apology" is Allen's tale of a recurring fantasy/dream of his where he imagines himself in the sandals of Socrates during the philosopher's final days in prison.
"The Kugelmass Episode" is about a CCNY professor, Sidney Kugelmass, who, thanks to the powers of an obscure magician, is projected into Madame Bovary to carry on an affair beyond the scrutiny of his overbearing wife.
"Nefarious Times We Live In" concerns the events that lead its protagonist, Willard Pogrebin, to fire a Luger at President Gerald Ford. They involve at least five kinds of drugs and three cults.
Running jokes
Throughout the book, frequent references are made to composer Igor Stravinsky. In addition, numerous gags are made with an implication that people bear an innate knowledge of Dutch. Characters' love interests are compared to a grotesque, golem-like Aunt Rifka in two separate stories.